


That Would Be Great

by WrathoftheStag (Mwuahna)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Bitty isn't jealous, Falling In Love, Insecurity, Jack is jealous, M/M, Oh Jack!, bitty is sassy, just after madison, new relationships, poor shitty, shitty tries to be a wingman, zimbits - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-18 12:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18120620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mwuahna/pseuds/WrathoftheStag
Summary: “What do you think, Jack?  Should we play wingmen tonight?  Get Bitty here at least some digits?” Shitty asked.Jack just wanted to hang out with his best friend and secret boyfriend.  What was going on?  A little one-shot featuring a meddlesome Shitty, an insecure Jack, and Bitty just wants pizza, y'all.





	1. Bitty Gets Hit On

**Author's Note:**

> This just occurred to me this morning, so here you go. :)

“Well, when was the last time you saw him?” Bitty asked.

“Two weeks ago, and he said, ‘That’s too long, brah! Too long!’” Jack replied doing his best Shitty impersonation.

Jack and Bitty sat at the pizza place down the street from Jack’s apartment and waited for Shitty to arrive. When Shitty got wind that Bitty was staying at Jack’s before the start of the semester (for what he thought was a few days), he invited himself for a sleepover.

“Just like the old haus days, right?” he had said over the phone. 

Bitty had been staying with Jack for five days since coming back from Madison. Their relationship was still new and exciting, and Jack had wanted to keep it all to himself when he accidentally let it slip that Bitty was there. And so, Bitty and Jack sat at Pizza Nova waiting for Shitty, their bubble of intimacy burst by a fuzzy, well-intentioned mustache.

Bitty smiled and slid his foot against Jack’s calf under the table.

“Keep that up, and Shitty will come here to find an empty table,” Jack smirked.

“Oh?” Bitty said with feigned innocence. “Why?”

“Because I’ll have to carry your trouble making cute self back to our bed,” Jack said, his voice deep and low.

Bitty shrugged as he looked at the menu with a grin. “That’d be all right with me. Pepperoni sound good?”

Jack laughed softly and gripped Bitty’s thigh, when they heard, “Shitty’s home!”

Bitty jumped out of the booth and ran to hug Shitty.

“Bitty Bits, so good to see you!” Shitty cried out.

“Have a seat Harvard boy,” Bitty said as he pulled Shitty into the booth. 

“Shits,” Jack nodded with a smile.

“Jackabelle.”

The three began to catch up over breadsticks and beer when Shitty laughed. 

“Oh shit, Bitty!”

“What?”

“Holy fucking shit…”

“What is it?” Jack asked with alarm.

“Don’t look now, but there’s a guy at the table across from us that is checking you the fuck out.”

Jack looked over quickly, and sure enough, there was a table of two girls and a guy just ahead, and he was definitely looking at Bitty.

“Um... well, isn’t that something,” Bitty said.

Shitty laughed. “Dude isn’t even subtle.”

“That’s creepy,” Jack said flatly. “Almost rude, if you ask me, eh?”

“Bits, he’s hot as fuck. You should go over there and talk to him,” Shitty said.

“Uh, no—I mean, he’s probably looking at Jack. Let’s be real here.”

“Pssh! I bet if you walk to the bathroom, he’d follow you there. And who knows, you might get a little extra sausage with your pizza? Well, hopefully not a _little_ sausage.”

“Shitty!” Bitty called out as his face turned red. “That’s okay; I don’t need any sausage right now, lord.”

Shitty guffawed and then looked at Jack. 

“What do you think, Jack? Should we play wingmen tonight? Get Bitty here at least some digits?”

Jack tried to control his facial expression, and for the first time in all his years of knowing Shitty, he just really wanted to tell him to just Shut The Fuck Up.

“I think if Bittle said he didn’t need any… sausage… then we should respect that, Shits.”

Shitty frowned. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Damn, I was being a total pushy prick there and didn’t even realize. Sorry, Bits.”

Jack took a long sip of his water and calmed the sudden rage he was feeling. No, it wasn’t quite rage; it was a combination of anxiety, anger, and possessiveness all rolled into one neat little shit ball. It bothered Jack that his instinct was to react like some douchey neanderthal. He was better than that, damn it. 

“All right then, anyway, back to Madison,” Bitty said as turned his attention to Shitty. “So Aunt Judy said that her peaches were only from the farmer’s market, but then mama bumped into her at the Piggy Wiggly in the non-organic section.”

“Judy, so busted!” Shitty called out.

Jack laughed as he began to feel better. He helped himself to another slice and enjoyed listening to Shitty and Bitty’s chatter.

“Uh, excuse me,” a voice said.

The three looked up, and it was one of the girls from the table.

“Sorry to bother you, but my friend, Mikey, over there, wanted to send this over. He said it’s for you, hot stuff.”

She placed a basket of garlic knots in front of them.

Bitty looked over and Mikey winked at him.

“Good lord,” Bitty muttered.

“He thinks you’re really cute,” the girl said.

Shitty waved at him. 

“Bits, he’s wooing you with baked goods. Isn’t that like practically your mating call, brah?”

Mikey smiled warmly at Bitty and Jack felt his face begin to burn. He knew Bitty was gorgeous, he knew that people probably looked at Bitty all the time, but seeing it played out in front of him, and Shitty—of all people—encouraging Bitty to go for it. 

Jack’s stomach began to churn. That guy wouldn’t make Bitty hide, that guy would offer things Jack wasn’t ready to give. There was nothing from stopping Bitty in realizing what a mistake he was making being with Jack. Jack felt his skin begin to prickle.

“He’s not interested, and he has a boyfriend!” Jack blurted out.

Shitty and Bitty both looked at Jack.

“No, he doesn’t,” Shitty said as he took a garlic knot. “But tell your friend we appreciate the garlic knots and if Bitty over here wants to chat, he’ll pop over there.”

“I can speak for myself, you know!” Bitty called out as he looked at Jack and Shitty. “I’m not some helpless twit.”

He climbed over Shitty and stormed off toward the bathroom.

“Yeah, soooo, I’m just gonna head back,” the girl said as she looked at Jack and Shitty. 

“Guess we fucked that up, huh?” Shitty said. 

“I guess so,” Jack replied. 

“Should I go see if he’s okay?”

Jack sighed. “No, I’ll go.”

And just at that moment, they saw Mikey get up and skedaddle toward the bathroom.

Shitty looked at Jack with eyebrows raised, and Jack scrambled out of the booth, as he practically tripped over himself.

Jack walked into the men’s room and saw Mikey leaning against the sink with Bitty’s phone in his hands as Bitty stood in front of him.

“So if you’d like to hang out or whatever. Text anytime,” he said. 

“Thanks for the garlic knots,” Bitty said and took his phone back.

Mikey smiled, turned to exit, and paused when Jack glowered at him. He quickly exited the bathroom.

“He gave you his phone number?” Jack said.

“Well, he was nice and I didn’t want to cause a scene—so yeah, I just let him give me his number. It’s not like I’m gonna call him,” Bitty said and shoved his phone in his back pocket.

“Sorry we were all over your business,” Jack said. “Shitty was just being Shitty, and I was… being shitty.”

Bitty sighed and then took Jack’s hand. 

“You have no reason to be jealous, you dingdong.” 

“That guy— _any_ guy—could give you more than I can right now. They could give you what you deserve.”

“Is that really what you think?” Bitty said.

“You haven’t really dated before, you deserve more… you deserve the whole world,” Jack said softly.

“Jack, I wanna be with you. That’s all there is to it. And I know it won’t always be like this… and until it’s not, we have each other.”

Jack took a deep breath when he realized Bitty was using long-term wording. Bitty saw them together for a while, and Jack felt as though his heart might burst.

“Now let’s get out of here. I really don’t want to kiss you in a stinky pizzeria bathroom.”

Jack chuckled and pulled Bitty in for a hug.

 

After they arrived at Jack’s apartment and settled in for the night (Shitty wearing his Falconers’ boxers and mismatched socks), they sat on the living room and played _Settlers of Catan_ on the coffee table.

“I fucking love this!” Shitty yelled.

“Really? Cause I hate this game _so_ much. I don’t know how I let you two rope me into this every time,” Bitty said.

“Haha,” Jack said as he rolled the dice. “Oh, well.”

“No, not the game, _this_. It’s just like old times. God, I can’t stand all of those Harvard dillholes. You two, you are my people, and being here, just shooting the shit and hanging out—it practically makes me weepy.”

“Cheers to that,” Bitty said as he clinked his bottle with Shitty's.

“It’s good having you both here,” Jack said and felt a warmth bloom in his chest.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” Shitty asked. “Firewater? A movie? Little Warsaw’s all-you-can-eat buffet?”

“Whatever you want, Shitty,” Bitty said and patted his hand.

“See, if Bitty just moved in with you after graduation, Jacko, we could do this all the freaking time.”

Jack smiled softly at Bitty. “Yeah, that would be great, wouldn’t it?”

“It’d be okay, I guess,” Bitty said returning the smile as he stroked his toes against Jack’s calf.


	2. Jack Gets Hit On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Brah, you should totally go talk to her. She’s cute!” Shitty said. “What do you think, Bitty? Jack should go talk to her, right?”_
> 
> _Bitty smiled. “Yeah, Jack. You should totally go say hi.”_
> 
> What happens when Jack gets hit on while out with Shitty and Bitty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was chatting with Mapleleafcameo and the idea for this [scenario](https://archiveofourown.org/comments/215815133) came up. And now we have a chapter two! Picks up the night after chapter one. With [a bit of canon dialog](http://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/post/150699553307) from _Junior Year #7 - LVA @ PVD - Part I_ to open things up.

_“Well, thank you for sharing that all with me.”_

_“No problem. I just wanted to put everything out there.”_

_“But wow, Kent Parson."_

_"Are you jealous?"_

_"Hm. You know? I don't think I am. Sorry if you wanted me to be."_

_"No, never."_

+++

Bitty, Jack, and Shitty walked out of Little Warsaw’s All-You-Can-Eat Buffet, each one comfortably stuffed with pork chops, _gołąbki_ , potato pancakes, and more pierogies than anyone had any right to eat. 

Shitty happily rubbed his belly.

“You really know how to treat a brah, Jack.”

“Well as long as you’re ready to burst, Shits, that’s all I care about,” Jack laughed.

“So what’s next?” Bitty asked as they crossed the sidewalk.

“There’s a new sports bar that opened last month. I read about it in _Time Out Providence_. It sounds pretty good. We can watch the Sox game and get some loaded tater tots.”

“One, good lord! You're a bottomless pit. Two, baseball? I guess I’ll give it a whirl,” Bitty said.

Shitty laughed, and he flung his arm around Bitty’s neck. 

“A little baseball won’t kill you, Bits,” Shitty said.

“Guess we’ll find out.”

The place was fairly packed when they arrived, so Jack put their name down for a table. As he walked away from the hostess, he bumped into the woman standing behind him.

“Oh, sorry,” Jack replied.

“Canadian, huh?” she asked with a smile.

“Haha. Yeah. Excuse me.”

She smiled at Jack and scooted out of his way.

Jack found Shitty and Bitty who had claimed a small corner at the end of the bar. Shitty waved wildly and made Jack laugh.

“What’s the verdict?” he asked.

“30 minutes for a table or we can stay here at the bar.” He handed Bitty the restaurant pager which would let them know when their table was ready. “Here.”

“I’m okay hanging out here if we don’t want to wait for a table. Here,” Bitty said as he handed the pager to Shitty and hopped onto the one available barstool. “It’s cozy.” 

The two smiled at each other as Shitty waved at the bartender. Jack felt his cheeks pink as he remembered his late-night tryst with Bitty. Shitty was snoring up a storm in the guest room, and, for the first time ever, Jack and Bitty were thankful for that loud ass snore. It acted like a bell around a cat’s neck as Shitty was blessed with the gift of being able to sneak up on people.

Jack tiptoed into the living room and made his way to Bitty who was snuggled up on the couch, fast asleep.

“Bits,” Jack whispered. “Wake up, _lapin_.”

Bitty’s eye slowly opened, and he smiled when he saw Jack crouched down beside him.

“This is the best dream ever,” Bitty said sleepily.

“Is it now?”

Bitty nodded and stretched out.

“Yep, imagine dreaming there’s this gorgeous Canadian hockey god coming to wake you up so you can make out.”

Jack laughed softly. “Is that what we’re doing? Making out?”

Bitty propped himself up onto his elbows. “Well, isn’t it? Otherwise, why are you waking me, you moose?”

Jack smiled and leaned in, thankful that his slumbering libido had come out of its long, long, long hibernation. 

 

“Jack? Hey, Earth to Jack,” Shitty called out as he elbowed him. “You want some water, too?”

Jack snapped out of his Bitty-induced daydream and eloquently muttered, “Huh?”

Bitty looked at Jack with a huge smile as if he knew exactly what Jack had been thinking.

“Water, brah? You want?” 

“Yeah, okay.”

Bitty smirked as he reached across Jack to take the bowl of pretzels placed in front of him.

“Pardon me, Mr. Zimmermann.”

Jack grinned, and the bartender gave them each a beer. 

The three were lost in Falconers, Harvard, and Samwell conversations when the bartender placed another beer in front of Jack.

“I didn’t order this,” he said with a slight frown.

“It’s from that woman over there,” the bartender said as he pointed at the end of the bar.

All three of them looked and Jack recognized her as the woman that he bumped into at the hostess area. She waved at Jack.

“Brah!” Shitty bellowed. “You and Bits are on fire this weekend getting all the attention. You gods. I’m starting to feel like chopped liver.”

Bitty’s eyebrows flew up, and he grinned.

“Do you know her?”

Jack coughed. “Euh, no. I, uh, bumped into her when we were putting our names on the list.”

“Clearly, you made an impression,” Bitty said, still grinning.

“Wave back, dude. Don’t be rude,” Shitty said as he waved at the woman.

“Uh…”

“RUDE!” Shitty said and playfully shoved Jack.

He didn’t know what to do, so he waved back and immediately looked at Bitty, who much to Jack’s surprise, still appeared highly amused.

The woman smiled and raised her glass at Jack. Her friends also waved.

“Brah, you should totally go talk to her. She’s cute!” Shitty said.

“Oh, I, uh, I’m here with you two,” Jack quickly replied.

“What do you think, Bitty? Jack should go talk to her, right?”

Bitty smiled. “Yeah, Jack. You should totally go say hi.”

Jack looked at Bitty and frowned, and Bitty’s smile grew even more.

Jack shrugged and busied himself by taking a drink of his beer.

“Seriously, Jackabelle. When was the last time you got laid?”

And Jack practically did a spit-take when Shitty added, “It’s been over a year at least!”

Bitty’s eyes danced with mirth. 

“Wow, Jack. I mean, not for nothing, and it’s none of my beeswax, but a year? Really? You should at least ask her name.”

Jack smiled in spite of himself. He loved Bitty, and even when Bitty was being a total little shit, Jack still couldn’t help but love him all the more.

“Look, I’m hanging out with you two yahoos and this night is about us bonding and junk, all right?”

Jack pointedly turned his back, so he faced away from the woman and her friends, and Shitty shrugged apologetically at her.

“I’m going to the little boy’s room. Be back,” Bitty said as he hopped off the stool.

“A year,” Shitty said. “Now I’m all about taking time for yourself and being content in your celibacy or whatevs, but brah, don’t you need to…” Shitty waved his arm around comedically, “... do _stuff_ before the start of the season?”

“Drink your beer, Shits,” Jack said and drained his glass. “I’m going to the bathroom, too. Be right back.”

“Fine. FINE! You fucking gentleman,” Shitty said as he shook his head.

Jack pushed through the crowd and found the dark corridor which led to the men’s room. All of a sudden, a hand reached out from a side door and yanked him.

Jack found himself in a supply closet with one Eric Richard Bittle.

“You should have seen your face,” Bitty said with glee.

“You’re an ass, you know that?” Jack said without any real bite.

Bitty shrugged. “What did I do?”

“What did you do? You know damn well what you did.”

Bitty laughed. 

“‘You should go say hi,’” Jack said with a terrible Southern accent.

“It was cute seeing you sweat like that, and knowing I had nothing to worry about made it even funnier. The look on your face!”

Jack huffed, and Bitty pressed himself close to Jack.

“I’m not jealous, ever, because I know you’re mine.”

“Oh?” Jack said as he swallowed dryly.

Bitty wrapped his arms around Jack’s neck and pulled him down for a filthy kiss. 

“Yeah,” he said against Jack’s lips.

 

Shitty was busy chatting it up with the bartended when Jack and Bitty returned several minutes later. Neither Bitty’s manhandled hair nor Jack’s untucked, messy shirt made no real announcement of what they had just been doing as Shitty remained none the wiser.

“Great! You’re back. This thing just started buzzing,” he said as he waved the pager. “Our table is ready, and the game is about to start.”

“Perfect timing,” Bitty said brightly.

Shitty looked at Jack’s head. 

“What’s that? You got toilet paper in your hair or something?” Shitty plucked a white fuzzy something from Jack’s head.

“No idea, Shits,” Jack said with a completely straight face as Bitty pressed into Jack’s side.

“It’s so crowded in here. It'd be great if we could sit down already,” Bitty said in an almost purr. 

“Yeah, let’s go already, come on,” Shitty said and walked toward the hostess.

Jack discreetly stroked Bitty’s leg as they followed.

**Author's Note:**

> All OMGCP characters belong to Ngozi. <3
> 
> Find me [over on Tumblr](http://wrathofthestag.tumblr.com).


End file.
